I was accused the other day of keeping a secret. LOL.  Apparently one of the sweetest times in my life didn’t get the press it deserved. This friendship was forged almost 32 years ago based on mutual respect, love and hysterical hurt your belly laughs. I met the Sarge when I started a part time job at a clinic during my college years. While I was a dear eyed doe, he was elderly. 9 years older. Ha!

The road hasn’t always been a smooth one, but Sarge is one of those people that no matter the distance or the time, you can’t help but smile and think positive good things. The kind where I’d like to think you pick up just where you left off. That’s just who he is.  So here goes a little ditty about Lola and Sarge.

The bond between Sarge and I formed while talking about life as we tossed a frisbee in the hallway when the clinic closed on the weekend. That was back when there weren’t cameras. He also had hair back then- although he looks so much better bald. There was always an underlying unsaid attraction between the two of us. Almost forbidden.

He was a grown man with adult responsibilities. I remember one time he drove me home. I honestly don’t know what made me trust him. Maybe it was the eyes. The sincerity I saw in them.  He soldiered through my college crushes and obsessions. I think the first pang of jealousy hit when he introduced me to his  girlfriend “T” at the time.  With such pride and ego, “I’d like you to meet my girlfriend.” Well… That was the beginning of an almost 10-year separation.

When the dust was settling with my divorce, I bumped into Sarge in the lobby of one of the office locations. I can’t begin to tell you about the excitement and unabashed happiness we had when we saw each other. We ran over to one another and gave each other a big hug. Ok. Pause. This is one memory I’d like to lock into perpetuity.  It was so carefree and easy to fall back into friendship with him. We talked everyday several times a day. So much so that it became a dependency. There was one time where I grew too dependent on the daily check in calls, beeper messages etc and he didn’t “check in”. At the time we were not romantically involved yet I felt a sort of a way. When he managed time, he called me and profusely apologized. I of course acted as if nothing and told me he didn’t owe me an explanation. He said he knew but he wanted to. Apparently “T” got into a bit of trouble, and she called him to help her out. He also told me he told her about me and how he was focused on his “relationship” with me. No man has ever done that for me with such conviction.

I was going through a turbulent time in my life, and he was the calm on the stormiest of days. That is just how he is. Calm.  I always admired that about him. He was my biggest cheerleader. “Go for it!” he always said to me. Our relationship became deeper. Despite the fights I had with myself admitting this, I fell in love with him. I fell in love with the way he held me when he kissed me. The way he would make me laugh. The way his voice got deep when he was trying to get to me or tell me he loved my scent. The way he indulged me in my playful side. The way he said with certainty that I was going to be his wife one day.

As things got more serious, I became inconsistent. I broke his heart because of my inability to commit to him and our love. He had to move on.  He rightfully asked me to leave him alone. It has been about 19 years since I last saw or spoke to him. I found his manuscript he entrusted me with the other day. When he asked me to read it, he told me I was the only one at the time he trusts. “You’re my muse” he said. I recently found him on social media, and I reached out to him to let him know how inspirational he is to me and to offer him his baby(original manuscript). I haven’t heard back from him. If I ever have the chance to see him I would let him know how sorry I am for what happened but to also let him know that what we had, limited as it was or short lived, was real.

The other night I dreamt we were at an outdoor type of eating place. There was an older man who seemed to be like an advisor/therapist.  I remember being asked about Sarge and I told the man that he is a kind man, always there for you, he can be a cheerleader, comedian. All around good person. I then referred to the fact that he may be in a relationship.

When I looked over at Sarge he was crying. He said no he had told the person he was involved with that he couldn’t continue. He said he told her that after I contacted him. He said how he hasn’t gotten over us. He was crying so I got up and sat on his lap and gave him a hug. I hope the Sarge felt that telepathically. Now call me so we can get this podcast thing up and running. He is probably the only one that could align with me on things in that space.  We got that synergy.