Dear Emma,

On the last day of your 48^th year I want you to know you kicked the living shit out of this year with all that you had to endure. When you thought it was safe to breathe and just try to sink into your skin, you were forced to face your shadows. You thought as you were embracing your soft girl era that you were on your way. Little did you know the things that triggered you for the last 25 years re-surfaced.

Today when I think back to all you went through, Emma, as a little girl and I remembered decade by decade, I can’t lie I teared up for you. My soul hurts for you. I remember glimpses of a little girl who was always strong willed and whose light was too bright for the average person including her family. All the times they tried to dim the light of your personality. All the times you wanted to be accepted by your own kin only to have them ridicule you, tell you how you should be-even up to the other day. Even after you practically bent over backward to save their lives these past few months.

It wasn’t a wonder that you wanted to escape from that place and that you made decisions thinking those decisions would remove you from there. Emma, I wish I knew you back then to tell you to leave and never look back and that you made it. You put yourself through so much to be accepted, to keep peace and to be loved.

You don’t need to do this anymore. I am so sorry that the most formative and impactful years of your life was spent this way. When I think back to your 20s and even 30s, I wished you enjoyed them with a freeness in your heart but more importantly I wished that you had the courage to know that you made it out to the other end. Don’t be upset for too much longer. You had a lot of catching up to do and you did. I am so proud of you.

Tomorrow is your birthday, Emma, and my wish for you is that you live freely in your heart and soul. That you go on those adventures you always wanted to and do what you want to do. Promise me that this time next year, you would have unequivocally say no to all the things that you don’t want to do or that are not meant for you. When you wake up tomorrow, take a deep breath, and love the fact that your new year begins and that you are spending the day with you and only you. Just what you always wanted. Don’t feel bad that you told the others no. It is your birthday…

My other wish for you is that the road to health, love, and abundance opens for you. Don’t be afraid to take the turn, your compass will always guide you. I also wish for you courage. Just do it. Don’t look back.

Time like this next year, when we meet up you will be even more beautiful because you will be living your best abundant life with your own little family, the love of your life and a great career. When I see you next year on your birthday during the Christmas markets somewhere in Europe, I’ll be the one with the biggest smile waiting to greet you..

With Love,

49 Year Old Emma aka Badass