I don’t know if I will ever get to tell Jack how I feel about him, but I had a very emotional moment earlier today where I found myself talking to him as if he were right in front of me. I told him that every night I pray that the next day ends our silence and that we speak to one another. Even if the outcome is not to be together, I always pray for his peace of mind and that he feels love wherever he goes. I went into this eyes wide open and have no regrets but still searching for the lesson in this story. I can’t lie I hurt-just didn’t expect it would feel that way.

In between this post, I was talking to an exceptionally good friend of mine. She asked me 10 years from now what I would tell myself as it relates to this experience. My 59-year-old self would say I am proud of you.  You wished him back into your life and he came back as a gift.  The chance you took, knowing that the outcome you wanted may not happen, yet you opened and dived in with your heart, showing your vulnerability and trusting him with your being.  That took a lot, Emma. That is part of the gift.  To be authentic and put your heart into it, even though you may not get what you want.

My friend asked me when was the last time I opened my heart and trusted someone to show my vulnerability. 24 years ago. But this time is different.  The emotions I feel are more pure, less dramatic. So as I am working through this with my friend, the lesson unfolds right before my very own eyes.