It was a snowy day this day 5 years ago when a miracle worker saved my life. I knew that my life in some way would be altered but didn’t quite understand exactly how. There is risk in everything, but I don’t think it hit me until that day when I walked into the OR alone after hugging my family.  The last thing I heard was my surgeon say something about needing a drill. Then it all went pitch dark.

I woke up wanting to throw up and my Dad had the only look of worry.  It wasn’t until I said “hi Dad” that everyone saying “thank God” made sense.  I came to find out I was taking a long time recognizing him.  What occurred on that day and walking away without any major complications changed my life. I no longer complained about the things I couldn’t do because what I could do was a miracle. So I take a little longer, my brain get taxed more easily, and I had to learn how to modify day to day things I took for granted.

There were times when I became impatient with myself, upset that I had so many physical restrictions. Coupled with fear and anxiety that I may just break something that was fixed.  I think even when the restrictions were lifted out of abundance of caution, I still applied them.  As I emerged almost 2 years later finally feeling a sense of relief, the world changed. It was a physical reset for me. What I thought was finally progressed had a slight detour.

I say this not to complain but to say time determines everything. It defines the who, what, where, how and why.  For some we question why things happen or don’t happen.  I told my friend today, when you think you can’t see your way through, God’s timing is everything. He delivers at the right time even if it’s not the outcome you hoped for.  Because even in that there is a lesson to be learned.  It tests your limits, your line in the sand, what you know you will and won’t do.  As cliché as this sounds, when you don’t attach it to an outcome it is only then you can see how you really do have control of the situation.  That’s because you are thinking about options rather than “exerting” control thinking you have the outcome.

Every year around this time when I think of the snowy day my family and I walked in the snow, everyone quiet with their own unsaid fear, I remind myself how far my journey came.  Never did I think 5 years later my outlook on things would be different or my faith in time would be restored.  I learned not to question time anymore because when you do you wish for that time back. It is a constant work in progress for me. I had a miracle worker that day. She gave me the gift of time.