“Did someone else pack your luggage?” “Are there any hazardous materials packed?” These are the questions that are asked when you are checking luggage. For those that are lucky not to have carry ons, you walk onto the plane free as a bird.  It is a good feeling. You can stop at the magazine counter, grab some reading materials, a snack and be on your way.

For the most part we know we pack those bags with good intentions and keep within the weight limit to get on the plane and “soar”. So, for the emotional baggage we carry, why is it that we don’t apply those same good intentions?  Instead, we let other people pack our luggage and pile on way too much hazardous emotions over the weight limit. And then we ourselves add more onto that.

My “luggage” was so heavy that I had to pack and re-pack and ultimately unpack what I did not need for this next trip I am going to take.  My next chapter.  It has taken me decades to realize those items won’t serve me where I am going. Once I came to this epiphany, I started to feel the weight lift and suddenly the calmness that fell over me was oddly scary.  You know how sometimes you will yourself to cry but it doesn’t come?  Well, I was willing myself to feel anxiety thinking it was around the corner waiting to rear its ugly head.  Nope.  The calmness started to expand. It was then I realized that I surrendered. I let go. 

I let go of the self-inflicted wounds I placed on myself. The thoughts of me being a bad person if I didn’t please someone. These things I struggled with for so many years.  I attempted to put my best foot forward every time only to feel “safe” in my current thought environment.  Just when it didn’t feel safe, I made a u-turn saying “no let’s go back to what you know”.  Even though it hurts, you know what you have.  This time I kept moving through it. There were times I could scream. Times that I cried and other times where I just couldn’t speak. I can’t imagine going back to those times.

The past few days I’ve become more comfortable in the calmness of it all.  It is because I finally trust myself to maintain my authenticity.  I’ll make mistakes along the way but I have awareness now. I’m excited for my new chapter. No one packs my “bags” now but me.  I happily checked my necessities and am walking onto the “plane” free as a bird. No pun intended.