There are various forms of emancipation. Some of us go through physical emancipation from people, places and things. Others on the emotional level. A few days ago marked the 18th anniversary of my divorce. It is the one day I remember best and claim as my Emancipation Day. “Best day of my life” so far I keep saying. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to be in a fulfilling or committed relationship, just not with my ex.
As much as I relish this form of emancipation, I’ve come to the realization that it is only now that I am on my way to achieving mental emancipation from my thoughts and values regarding past issues. This in my opinion was the hardest to arrive to and the past few weeks have been mental and emotional hell. It is like my soul is so restless, I literally want to run until it all leaves my mind.
My values have imprisoned me from being courageous, being free, living etc. I have become more of a spectator watching from the sidelines. These past few weeks I’ve struggled more than I have in the last 18 years. I realized these values were more about what I thought people would think of me if I did XYZ. Recently when the potential of something good presented, I had to do some mental work very quickly to cut through my self-imposed value system. I am not sure if this work happened in time, but I do feel like I am on my way to being mentally emancipated. And it feels so good. Don’t get me wrong I still have values, but I am trying to be less harsh on myself.
Everything happens with time. How soon or not can’t be predicted. It is a feeling you get inside when you are fed up and want more. So far I’ve worked through my mental emancipation to know what I bring to the table both good and bad and know what I want. I also won’t spend time trying to prove to people that I am good enough. I also won’t chase what is not meant for me and learn to accept any delays means its God’s way of redirecting. Most importantly, I am learning to live in the now. Not every day may be a smooth day but I am more self aware of that feeling when I’m getting ready to self sabotage where I need to check in with myself.
If I am too late this time, the good thing is I will be ready when something new presents itself. Someone told me today I am authentic despite everything. So this is the direction I will be moving in. Maintaining my authenticity.
This Thing Called Time 