Last year time like this I believe you were preparing for your transition. August 2021 was the most profound month of my life.  It was during this time that my views on love and relationships changed. Little did I know what a year later would bring.

                You asked me if I was happy.  I told you that I was, and you said to me I was still young to meet someone and have a little family. You said life was not meant to be alone. The past couple of years I lived on autopilot putting up walls.  A few days later, we sang to each other and I cried my eyes out. I’ve never done that with anyone. You and I had a way to communicate without words. On your last night, you somehow told me, that this was the last time I would see you.  As much as I would miss seeing you, a peacefulness washed over me because in my heart I knew you would finally be free. Free from the prison of your motionless body.  Your heart and spirit couldn’t settle with that. Others couldn’t make peace with you but I had no regrets where you and I were concerned when I heard you passed. I think you taught me this.

I wish I could talk to you one more time. So you could give me some advice. So I could share with you what I am feeling. Maybe so I can release everything inside of me.  I know that you are shaking shit up there. I know that you brought Jack back into my life. I don’t know his purpose. I didn’t expect to meet up with him and have old feelings resurface. I am not sure what happened but we are not on the same page. But he made me feel again and I want more. More may not be possible. 

I wish I could talk to you one more time so you I can get a guy’s perspective and ask you why did you send him back?  I wish I could talk to you one more time so I could tell you that you were right. Life isn’t meant to be alone.  I hope I will see you in my dreams soon so you can tell me about this.  I’ll be waiting for you.