The night was perfect. The breeze was the right type of cool. I agreed to meet Jack for dinner. We visited the old neighborhood where we met 30 years ago. I remember being so nervous. I made my way into the restaurant and down to the basement where he was waiting for me. When I first saw him, time stood still. Although we are much older, he was the same guy I met in college. Only more handsome. A silver fox.

                We instantly started laughing and our connection was rekindled.  It was like no time has passed.  At some point during the night, he reached from under the table to hold my hand. I love when Jack reaches for my hand. After he paid the bill, he asked if I wanted to walk around the old neighborhood.  Some things remain the same and some things have changed. We talked about being interested in one another in college. I told him he wasn’t interested in me and he told me I was indifferent. Whatever I said. 

                After our walk, I let him drive me home where he held my hand the entire way. He wanted to meet up again, so I agreed to meet for brunch on Sunday.  I’ve learned that Jack connects with me by holding my hand. While waiting for the bill, he hooked his pinky onto mine.  As we were walking back to the car, it was so natural for him to grab my hand.   

                My time with him that weekend did something to me emotionally.  I’m scared about the feelings that have resurfaced but I find myself wanting to explore it with him despite everything.  My motto this year is take the risk and have no regrets.  Within reason of course.   I’ve spent my entire life taking the “safe” path.  Safe both mentally and emotionally.  He has awakened something in me. The spirit that I buried many years ago.

                I don’t want to have any regrets where Jack is concerned. What is more surprising is the desire to take the risk despite it being an unconventional path.  One that is above and beyond what my simple needs and wants could handle.  Maybe this moment is the only one we will get. So, I will live in the now while I battle the what if’s in my head. I would not trade this “now” with him for anything else.